But sometimes it doesn’t seem to go away…
Spending long years or a short period with someone we love, or losing someone we have not been able to connect with in the way we’d hoped, obviously is a massive life challenge. We can expect to feel some very painful feelings. Sadness is an emotion that seems designed to keep us attached to people around us…when we lose our deeply attached other, we feel deep sadness.
Along with sadness can come many other emotions, anger (with the other person or with yourself), regret, guilt, despair. We will naturally withdraw from the world but then experience loneliness. We may keep ourselves very busy or turn to drink or drugs to fend off the feelings.
CBT therapy addresses these issues by increasing awareness of our thoughts, feelings, physical sensations and behaviour around the loss. Your therapist can help you to become able to willingly experience these huge feelings without being overwhelmed by them and to begin to think about your life from here…how the lost one/s can still be present in your life but with the acceptance that they are gone. How would your loved one want you to be right now? What kind of life would they want you to build if they could speak to you right now?
When a life has been shattered by loss, it has to be actively rebuilt one brick at a time, like a building that has been bombed. However much we want to stay in the past, longing for things to go back to how they were, we have to accept how they are now. With acceptance comes painful sadness and grief, but also the ability to see a way forward. Our therapists are here to help you in this journey.
Our book will show you how to help yourself to Get Your Life Back. It takes you step by step, starting with identifying the problem. Then it helps you understand why you have the problem. You will learn mindfulness skills to begin training your brain. Then get clear about your values: what you really want in your life. Another chapter helps you understand how your problem works for you. Once you’ve done this there is a chapter showing you how to break the links in the chain of your problem behaviour. You can also contact us to work with a therapist skilled in this area by Skype, FaceTime etc., on the phone or face to face.